How to build a firm sense of identity and why it matters

“Who are you?”

To explore your values, start by answering the questions, “What do you value?” and “What is meaningful to you?”

First, make a list of your values and choose the ones you most identify with. (Examples of values include creativity, kindness, integrity, sense of humor, and many more. Ask a mental health coach for other examples, or do a quick search online.)

Next, reflect on the areas in your life where those values show up. For example, if creativity is one of your values, where is creativity showing up? Is it in your relationships? Or in your career? Are you happy with how that value is showing up in your life? If you are, that’s great! However, if those values are not showing up as much as you would like, consider the following questions: What needs to happen in order for those values to show up more? What will I gain if they show up more? What will I lose if they don’t? What is one step that I can take this week to invite this value into my life?

“What are you great at?”

When you understand your strengths, you can discover who you can be when you’re at your best. Many of us were conditioned at a young age to focus on areas that need improvement. Paying attention to your strengths requires a mindset shift, but doing so can help you see how far you’ve come and the skills and strengths that got you there. It allows you to realize that inherently, you are resourceful, resilient, and capable.

In order to adopt a more strengths-based approach, it might be helpful to solicit feedback from those who know you best, whether a friend or colleague. Working with a coach who uses a strengths-based approach can also help.

Make a list in a journal of the strengths you’ve identified either through your own self-reflection or through feedback from others. Then, write down ways you can continue to grow these strengths and incorporate them more into your life.

“What’s your story?”

The idea of narrative exploration is to change your behaviors or thinking by creating a new story about yourself. It can be helpful to work with a coach when you’re engaging in narrative exploration.

It’s natural to give meaning to events, linking events together in a way that creates a story. The meaning you assign to those experiences will affect the way you approach your life. For example, if growing up you always thought of yourself as the black sheep of the family, you might now see yourself as constantly being left out or punished for being different. But, you have the power to reframe those experiences and tell a different story.

A coach can work with you to rewrite those stories that no longer serve you, and can help you create an alternative narrative that encourages new patterns of thinking and behaviors. For example, rather than telling yourself that you were the black sheep of the family, what if instead you saw yourself as an adventurous risk-taker, someone who’s not afraid to be different?

Try narrative exploration on your own by journaling, which can give you insight into your thoughts about yourself, and can help you identify stories that need reframing. One key benefit of journaling is that it can give you a fresh perspective. It can help you rethink your experiences, which can result in a richer and more productive understanding of who you are.