Communication in Conversation with Shan Boodram

I love the fact that we're in a space now, like I said where we can communicate our issues without turning into an issue. And it's a learning experience, trying to figure out how to communicate when you're hurt is one of the most difficult things to do. (upbeat music) I feel like we're ready to have a conversation around healthy communication when in conflict. This is something that myself and my husband have clashed on a lot because what I need in conflict and what he needs in conflict are usually different things. But through conversation we've been able to come to a middle ground. So I wanna invite him on, because interestingly enough he is the expert in conflict resolution in our relationship. This is my husband, Jared Brady. Hi. What's up babe? How you doing? I'm doing good. So I often describe you as someone who is the master of conflict communication in our relationship. I'll take it. Do you think that there is a key to communicating effectively in conflict that we have found? I don't know if it's a key, but it's more of understanding each other a little bit more. So I know whenever you have an issue in that moment it might sound when it's coming and being delivered to me like this is the end of the world issue. If I give you time to explain yourself and then I just take it, and then we kind of talk about it, later we'll find out that that issue is not as extreme as it was sounding. It was more of like the feeling that it gave you rather than like, this is SOS, our relationship is going downhill. This is SOS. End of the relationship. Yeah, we need to talk about this now. A thing that I think, I mean, mind you there is no like magical key. There's no master key that's going to solve all of your problems. But something that I've been trying to put into practice is the visualization of being indoors and warm, and my partner coming in from the rain and being like, "You left me, you're supposed to pick me up." And so I've been warm and comfortable, you've been soaked on. So even though you're approaching me in a way that might feel aggressive to me I also have to have empathy for the fact that you've been the person standing in the rain for a long time. So I try to adhere to the principle that the person who comes with the problem, even though the way they might approach the problem might not be perfect, but they're the person who needs tending to first. Then I can be like, "Can we talk about the way that you came in here, like a raging lunatic?" So I try to like, whoever brings up the problem first, they get the nurturing. And then secondly, we'll talk about the way that person brought the problem up, and how...