Power and Pronouns, with Dora

Check out this clip from Headspace Studio's podcast series, "Dear Headspace." Are you ready, Dora? I am. Hi, Dear Headspace, my name is Max, and I was wondering how to correct people with more power than you on pronouns. I see a lot of my friends who don't correct teachers or with parents and just not being able to out of the fear that they won't listen. So how do you do that? Thanks. All right, all right. I wish that people could see producer Ash because that's my daughter. That's my daughter. Oh, yay. I can't believe you just slipped that question in there. Hey, Maxine. Oh, hi Maxine. Aw, what a beautiful question. It is, that is a good question. Yeah. But I feel like it's because it's my daughter. You should go first. Yeah. I mean when I was listening to that, I think about the difficulty with the power dynamic of having to talk to a boss or someone in charge. Right, there's a lot of fear that can come up with that. Yep. Right? I also recognize the need for respect and to be seen and heard and acknowledged as a human being and pronouns is a part of that. Yeah, yeah. So it's tricky. Yeah, it really is. When I have to express my needs to people, I break it down into the before, during, and after. So-- Like before like you're envisioning the conversation? Yes. Before the conversation I'll ground myself. Yep. I'll have a script prepared. When I was a psych nurse, there was a DBT course that we used to offer, which is a form of therapy, and the first part of it's actually called DEAR, so I'm gonna break down that acronym. So the D is describe the situation to yourself. So what happened? Maybe you're in the office and someone says, "You're doing a great job, girl!" But your pronouns are they/them? Yeah. So, there's that situation. Then there's the E. So being able to express your needs. So, "Hey, you know, when you called me girl, I didn't really feel seen in my identity." The A would be to assert what you need. So from here on out, I'd really appreciate if you could address me as they/them. And then the R is respond with a reward. So depending on how they respond to you, you could be like, thank you. Yeah. And that is the end of the conversation, and then there's the during. So as I'm having the conversation, I'm checking in with my body, noticing my body language. Because again, you can deliver this stuff in such a compassionate way, but if that person's not ready to hear what you have to say, like-- Yeah. It could just all go to hell. Yeah. In a hand basket. Checking over with yourself. Yeah, and then afterwards, some type of self-care, and I learned this with setting boundaries because in the before and during stage I can get really ramped up. My body may be like really tense, and...