Repairing a Rupture

Hello. It's Sam and John back for another audio lesson for you to bring into your parenting. This lesson deals with ways to repair your relationship with your child following a rupture. So a rupture could take on many forms. It could look like you losing your cool and yelling at your child. We've all been there. And here's the thing, your child wants to repair the relationship just as much as you do. Okay, so John, let's start by talking about what a rupture is and then what it looks like when it happens. Rupture could sound like a big, fancy word when we're thinking about something that's enormously common. A rupture is a moment of disconnect, a rip, a tear in the fiber of our parent-child relationship. Said you were gonna make time to help do this activity and you didn't show up. Your child committed to a curfew time and isn't responding to texts when they're late. It's a time where parent and child are not on the same page. There's a disagreement and there has been behavior that has broken the standard operating procedures of your family home. As you're talking, it's getting me thinking about how ruptures without repairs can last for decades. I mean, you can think about situations or patterns over time that have occurred in your own family or I certainly can think of many in my own family, and without the apology or without the resolution, it sits in us unresolved. So I'm wondering if we can maybe explore an example of a specific rupture, maybe from your life or my life, and then talk about what does repair look like in that situation. I'm happy to give an example of a rupture and a possible repair, but before I do, I just wanna take a moment to emphasize that rupture doesn't happen in a vacuum. When you've built special time and praise and noticing their strengths, our relationships are more resilient. And so ruptures of all shapes and sizes are more easily mended. So that one time that you yelled yesterday is not going to be the sole narrative of your child's understanding of you three decades later. And still, if we aren't able to find new patterns to repair ruptures, it might have outcomes in how your child sees the world and how they feel about themselves. Let's look through an example. You know, it was trash day. Your nine year old, that's their one chore. You said, "Hey, go out and do it." You moved your attention to other things, as a parent, we're very busy, only to notice the garbage truck zooming by without your bin because your nine year old got distracted by something outside. What happened? How come we didn't take this out? Maybe the frustration got the better of us. And so it might've led to our child storming off and us standing there feeling disappointment in our behavior, feeling shame about this is...